Simple 1: A Simple Cut
by amaresu
Summary: Daisuke thinks about things while dealing with his pain.
1. A Simple Cut

  
Title: A Simple Cut  
Author: amaresu  
Disclaimer: They ain't mine. I've got $6.58, I really don't think it's worth suing me.  
Author's Note: No beta. Sorry, please forgive me. Here be slash, or Yaoi as it be called in these here parts. It not be much more then implied. Ye have been warned. Don't be complain' to me.  
Summary: Daisuke thinks about the past and the present.  
Archive: If you want to you have my blessing.   
  
I look around the computer lab. No one is here. Not even the computer club. It's the day before break and they decided not to meet. Same as we did. The digidestined. Sometimes I wonder if I even am one. It's not like any of them like me. Hell they'd probably be glad if I dropped of the face of the planet. I've tried to before. None of them know that. They all think I'm happy. I'm not. Or at least I wouldn't be if it wasn't for my medication. They put me on it after I tried to kill myself two years ago. Nothing like fifty sleeping pills to put you out for the night. If Jun hadn't come home early that night, if she hadn't eaten something weird and gotten sick. I wouldn't be here. Simple as that. I hate her for it sometimes. For coming home and finding me. For taking the time to notice that I wasn't breathing and see the empty bottles of pills on my nightstand. She was quick to react. I'll give her that. She'd called the hospital and started CPR on me. They said later that if she hadn't thought so quickly, I'd be dead. I wouldn't talk to her for a little over a month. I was on suicide watch then. They kept me locked up until the meds started to kick in. I still hated her for saving my life, for making me live. I just didn't feel up to killing myself anymore. Then I started to get happy. It scared me at first. I hadn't been happy in such a long time. The psychiatrist that they made me see was nice. I miss her. She moved last year. My parents never got around to getting me a new one.   
  
Jun still looks at me sometimes. As if she's just making sure I'm still there. That I haven't died. Again. I did die that night. For about three minutes. Then Jun forced air back into my lungs. A quick stomach pump later, some medicine and I was as good as new. I have to chuckle at that. I was never as good as new. I walk over to the corner and sit down. I pull my knees up to my chest. It hurts again. Not physical pain, but emotional. It hurts. So bad I just want to cry. So I do. Nothing big. I've long since stopped crying for long periods of time. I usually can't cry. When I somehow can cry, it's only for a couple of minutes. At the most.   
  
It's been happening again. The pain. And the self-hate and depression with it. I really do hate myself. What did I _ever_ do to deserve Veemon? My so-called friends? Nothing. I'm worthless. I'm a piece of shit. It's that simple. I'm not to the point where I'll kill myself. Not yet. At least I don't think I am. I _am_ at the point where I carry a razor with me at all times. Last time that happened they upped my dosage on the meds. Jun had been getting suspicious and started going through my clothing. She'd found it. She saw some of the blood I had missed when cleaning it off. Despite how she acts, my sister does care about me. That thought alone can help me at times.   
  
So here I am again. Taking out the razor and pulling down the collar of my shirt, so I can reach my shoulder. I wince a little as the razor cuts through my skin. Then I sigh. It feels better already. Somehow, I've never been able to figure out how; the physical pain helps get rid of the emotional one. And I'd rather live with some cuts then the pain I carry inside me every day of my life. I cut myself a few more times, then put away the razor. After carefully cleaning it.   
  
I sit here watching the blood run down my shoulder and think about what it is that's brought me to this again. The digidestined. We're supposed to be friends. Right? Then why aren't we? Why do they ignore me? Why do they hate me? I try, I really do! I want them to like me. I just don't know how to make them. Then there is him. The one I secretly like. I might even love one day, if I ever thought that I had the chance. He hates me most of all. I don't know why. I've tried, but.....maybe it is my fault a bit. It's useless though. He hates me, so I pretend to hate him.   
  
Now I've done it. Made myself all depressed again. If I would just stop think about it, him, I wouldn't have to do this. Now I need to do it all over again. To cut. I take the razor back out and lift up my shorts a bit. Just enough so that the cut will be hidden. Just as I start to drag the razor across my skin the door opens. I look up in surprise and shock. There's no way to hide what it is that I'm doing. Maybe it'll be someone who won't care. Someone I can convince not to tell anything. But it isn't. It's him. He looks at me in horror with his hand still on the door. "Daisuke?"  



	2. None Too Simple Answer

Author: amaresu   
Title: None Too Simple Answer   
Summary: Sequel to A Simple Cut. Daisuke has a discussion with Jun and some decisions are made. Not many, but some are.   
Disclaimer: They ain't mine. Without a miracle they never will be. Please don't sue.   
Rating: PG-13 for some not to nice words.   
Author's note: Gracias to Lucia (hope I spelt that right. Hit me over the head with something if I didn't) for the beta. Even though the last little bit isn't. I just sorta added it in. Kudos and Sobe to you. Goldfish are also available if you want them.   
Archive: Yes, just please keep all headers intact.   
I looked up at Takeru standing in the doorway. Takeru had a look of horror on his face. I stopped what I was doing and closed the razor. I then stood up. The feel of pain shooting through my leg was wonderful. If Takeru hadn't just walked into the room I would feel great.  
  
"Daisuke, what the hell are you doing?" Takeru asked in a horrified whisper.  
  
"Nothing. It's nothing," I said as I grabbed my bag and started towards the door.  
  
"Nothing?" Takeru asked, "You were cutting your leg open!"  
  
"Yes, nothing. Now if you'll excuse me I have to get home." I then pushed past Takeru when he didn't move from in front of the door. Once away from Takeru I ran out of the building as fast as possible. There was no way that Takeru wouldn't tell anybody what he saw. I'd be back in counseling. Or worse. After the last time my parents had threatened to send me to the mental hospital. That thought scared the crap out of me. I'd had nightmares about it. It wasn't like I was in danger of killing myself anymore, what with Chibimon around. I didn't know what would happen to the little guy if I died, but I don't think it would be good. He might even think it was his fault.  
  
I could hear Takeru shouting down the hallway after me as I jumped the stairs. Within moments I was out of the school and running down the sidewalk. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, or else I would have gone around Jun and Yamato instead of through them.  
  
"Jun, I'm just here to pick up Takeru. I already have plans for tonight." Yamato said as he tried unsuccessfully to get loose of her right before I ran between them.  
  
"Daisuke, watch where you're going!" Jun yelled at me as she grabbed my shoulder to keep me from falling.  
  
"Ahh!" I couldn't help but yell as Jun put pressure directly on my cuts.  
  
She looked at me in shock. "What's wrong? I didn't grab you that hard."  
  
"Nothing. I twisted my shoulder earlier, that's all," I said hurriedly.  
  
Just then Takeru ran up panting. "I doubt that's it. I saw him cutting open his leg a couple of minutes ago. That's why he was running like that."  
  
"Cutting himself?" Jun asked woodenly. She narrowed her eyes and pulled me closer. I tried to pull away. I knew what was coming, but she just grabbed harder and pulled me in when I winced. Then she pulled down the collar of my shirt. Yamato and Takeru gasped at the sight of the still bleeding cuts.  
  
"It's none of your business!" I yelled as I finally pulled away from her.  
  
"None of my business?" she yelled in surprise, "Do you have any idea what it was like to come home and find you like that?! You're my fucking brother! Of course it's my business!"  
  
I looked at her. Why the hell did she care? No one else did. Certainly not the digidestined. The people who were supposed to care. Supposed to be my friends. "Why'd you have to go and eat something you knew you were allergic to?" I yelled back at her. I didn't know what made me say that, I just did. I opened my mouth to apologize to her about it when she slapped me.  
  
"How dare you say that? How dare you?"   
*************  
  
Seeing the cuts on his shoulder had been worse than seeing him cut his leg. At least there it was only one cut. Not- however many there had been. Yamato had been as horrified as I was. And now this. Daisuke and Jun were fighting. About what, I didn't know. But from the way she acted, Daisuke cutting himself wasn't anything new. "Yama, do you have any idea what's going on?"  
  
"No, I don't, Takeru. I have absolutely no idea. Seems pretty serious though." My brother looked over at me. "Did he really do that to himself?"  
  
"Yeah, from what I saw, yeah. It doesn't appear to be the first time either," I said as I nodded my head towards Jun and Daisuke.  
  
Whatever Yamato was going to say in response to that was blocked by Jun's shouting. "Why do you do this to yourself anyway? Why? Can you just tell me that? You don't say anything else to me anymore."  
  
"And why the hell should I? Miss Mom-and-dad-are-paying-attention-to-me-so-I-don't-have-to-give-a-flyingfuck-about-Daisuke-anymore! I applaud you as an older sister. I think I'll put you up for the big sister of the year award. I mean why wouldn't you win? You just completely abandon your brother when your parents start showing even the slightest interest in anything you do. Nothing to be concerned with there," Daisuke yelled back at her. I watched in amazement, as Jun seemed to crumple in on herself at that statement. Whatever she said back was too quiet to overhear. I looked up at Yamato and he nodded. The two of us started to walk closer to them. It was rather shocking to hear someone say something like that. My parents might be divorced, but at least they still care about Yama and me.   
******************  
  
"I'm sorry. I did forget about you. I'm sorry. We always promised to be there for each other and then the one chance I get to keep that promise I throw it out the window. I'm such a fuck-up as a sister," Jun said to me as she started to cry.  
  
"Don't cry," I said in desperation. I hadn't really meant what I'd said. Well- I had, but I hadn't. "If the positions had been reversed I would have probably done the same. Only why the hell would mom and dad want me when they can have you?"  
  
"No, you wouldn't have. You'd have stayed with me. I'm so sorry."  
  
"It's okay. I forgive you." I said as I patted her shoulder, even though I had absolutely no idea what I was forgiving. I hadn't been lying when I wondered why they would want me. They had Jun. What more did they need? And she had their attention. That would be so wonderful, so nice. I really was glad that one of us got something besides hatred from our parents. She looked up at me and smiled.  
  
"Dai, I'm going to ask you a question. I want you to answer me honestly. Have you been taking your medication?" she said as she dried her eyes on the back of her sleeve.  
  
"Honestly? No."  
*******************  
I can't believe my ears. Maybe it would have been best if Yamato and I hadn't snuck closer. It didn't look like Daisuke or Jun even noticed that we were there. Which was a good thing. I doubted that Daisuke wanted me to know he had problems. Ones that required him to take medication.   
  
Now there was a thought. Daisuke was on medication. From what I had heard I guessed it was for depression. That would explain the cutting. I was about to suggest to Yamato that we leave when he stepped forward.  
  
"I, ah, don't mean to interrupt, but why haven't you been taking your medication?" Yama asked.  
  
The two of them looked up at him in surprise. They really must've forgotten that we were there. "That is a very good question Dai, why haven't you?" Jun asked him.  
  
"Because the prescription expired. And mom said they had better things to spend money on," Daisuke said looking at the ground.  
********************  
  
Shit. They'd overheard everything. Now Takeru wouldn't want to be anywhere near me. Not that he really did before. But at least he had talked to me. And invited me to do stuff, unlike the others who tended to forget I existed at times. No one was saying anything, so I looked up.  
  
Jun looked angry enough to kill someone. What had I done to get her mad? Was it for starting this whole thing where Yamato could hear? That doesn't feel right though. Whatever I did I hope she tells me so I can apologize for it.  
  
Instead she looked like she was about to cry. What had I done? Shit, I'm gonna be in so much trouble.   
*******************  
  
Daisuke looks like he's about to start hyperventilating. Maybe I shouldn't have stepped in? But I've dealt with this before. Cutting that is. And medication. Takeru doesn't know of course. I didn't want to ruin his image of the perfect older brother when it first happened. And now, well it had been about five years, I'd never be able to explain to him my reasons. Jun though, she looks like she's about to cry.   
  
I walk over to her and put my hand on her shoulder. Before I can even ask her if she's going to be okay she buries her head in my shoulder and starts crying. She's saying something as well, but I can barely hear it. "It's all my fault. I shouldn't have stopped looking after Dai. I shouldn't have let mom and dad do this to him. It's all my fault."  
  
Suddenly she looks up at me and smiles. She whispers thanks before turning back to Daisuke. "I'm gonna go talk to mom and dad about your meds. Then grandma and grandpa about some other stuff. You stay with Yamato and Takeru. Okay?"  
  
He nods his head and she turns to walk home. I look after her for a moment and then turn to Takeru. "Take Dai to your place. I'm gonna go with Jun. Make sure he stays away from knives," I pause to take a look at him. "And anything else that could be life threatening. Just don't let him out of your site." With that I'm running after Jun. We can get there faster if we take my van.  
  
A/N 2: This is not Yamato x Jun. I do not intend for it to ever be that. Friendship with Jun yes, romance, no. Jun ain't so bad people. In fact she's rather nice. Or hey I might just through in a Yamato x Jun relationship to piss all yous off. *contemplates Yamato with anyone but Taichi or Daisuke* maybe not.   



	3. My apologies and a request

I'm greatly sorry to have to tell everyone who has asked me to continue this story that I can't. Due to a conflict of scheduale I was unable to work on it for several months. Now that I have time, I have found that I have lost the insperation for this piece. This saddens me and I hope that those of you who have sent me such wonderful comments can understand.   
  
I would also like to extend the offer for anyone to continue the story for me. If you feel that you have the insperation and an idea of how it should end, please feel free to finish the story. I ask only that you don't change the existing storyline, so no going from a Takesuke to a Daisuke x anyone else, or Takeru x anyone else. Thank you very much for your comments. If you do finish an ending for the story, please feel free to post it yourself, just give me a little credit for the orginal story. Also I would like to have a copy sent to me so that I may not only read it, but post it as a chapter with the rest of the story. I hope to recieve at least one piece. My address is the_amaresu@yahoo.com Thank you all again. It was always a pleasure hearing from the people who enjoyed my story.  
amaresu 


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